I feel like I’ve been wandering in the dark for a while
I feel lost
Lonely
And damn it but my head really hurts
Migraines are new to me. I never doubted how bad they were but I never understood what it was like.
I feel lost in my own head. When its really bad I start to feel like I’m going crazy. I turn inward to cope with it and I know I’m a bit lost to my family and the world around me when I’m in the midst of it. But its all I can do to deal with it. When it goes on for days I feel like I’m on the edge of my sanity. One false move and I might fall over that edge. I get nauseous and dizzy and my vision gets blurry. But mostly my head just feels like its going to explode.
I keep thinking of that X Files episode where Mulder had to keep driving some guy west or his head would explode. (I’m a nerd, I know)
I spent two entire days in bed last week. Two whole days lost… I missed Ian’s first tball games, his Jamboree, church, hanging out with friends.
I hate this.
Ian asked me the other day when my head would stop hurting. I almost cried. Will keeps asking me too “Your head hurt Mama?”
I’m missing out on my life, and it makes me sad.
They tell me I’m depressed and anxious and its causing these headaches. But maybe I’m down and on edge because of them. Who knows. In the meantime, I’m trying to get better. I started a new medicine. Which I hate, but I’m gonna stick it out and see if it helps. I’m eating and taking my vitamins. And I’m trying to find joy in the little accomplishments and moments during the day. I did the dishes today! And went to get donuts with Will. Later I think I’ll go shopping with a friend. I’ll definitely take a nap.
One step at a time…
You are not alone..I was on my way to a new, slimmer body at the age of fifty two when I got shingles. My oldest 31 and 28 years of age are on there own now so that wasn’t a problem, but my six years old( adopted at birth to get him away from a drug user bio mom) felt just like your kids do..hang in there..it will get better. I will lose the rest of the weight and you will find the source of your migraines and they will end..you are in my prayers and I wish you a speedy recovery….
I’m sorry about your head and all you feel you’re missing. I’ll pray for you right now!
My dear you are not alone there is someone always holding you don’t forget that. I use to get migraines all the time and this is gonna totally come from left field but … have you said anything to your gyno about them? this isn’t a fix for everyone but after years … from about the age of 15 to 38 … I had migraines at least w times a week. When I was 38 I had to have a hysterectomy because I had a fibroid tumor and ovarian cysts and endometriosis in the two years since I have had 2 migraines both due to sinus infections. My gyno and I both think that the migraines were caused from my frequent ovarian cysts causing hormonal imbalances may not need a hysterectomy that is kind of drastic but you may need to have your hormones adjusted even if they are not completely out of wack even a little can cause problems. Love ya stay strong and keep talking it out 😃Fae